It Seems Like Everyone is Just Out Having Sex
I stopped having sex in November of this past year.
I had ended yet another round of reconnecting with my twin flame aka Nasa Guy. I think we were on round four of trying to explore our relationship and although there were lots of forces beyond our control that kept us coming back to each other the biggest force of them all was sex. I won’t go into detail about how powerful our connection was but needless to say that well over a year after breaking things off the first time he kept finding me in his dreams almost nightly and I kept visiting him in my daydreaming throughout my days– sexual thoughts powerful enough to provoke a physical reaction in me every time.
We could not let go of each other. We had created an energetic tie with one another that could not be broken. So three weeks ago when he reached out to me telling me he was in town and wanted to take me out to lunch it took EVERYTHING in me not to see him and it took EVERYTHING else to politely ask him never to reach out to me again. I asked him to please delete me completely from all our forms of contact as I had done just 3 months prior and I even asked him to not think about me sexually because I was ready to break our energetic tie. For those of you who don’t identify with spirituality hang with me I’ll explain a little later the energetic ties we build with one another through sex.
Mid November of last year when the Universe was calling me to give up sex I not only tried to ignore it (winky face here) but once I was ready to listen I fucking fought it (no pun intended). The final two weeks of the month I kept arguing back and forth why it wasn’t that big of a deal to continue having sex after all everyone was “doing it” so why should I be the only one to give it up (another winky face here). I love how much I often I try to rationalize things with God, ha! After putting up a good fight I finally decided to listen and so with ALL the inner hesitation in the world I placed one baby step forward in the direction of celibacy (open mouth crying emoji here).
For about the entirety of December I fell into depression. It was the most uncomfortable month I had had in a long time because it is only in stillness and in sacrifice that we can discover what has been there all along. I began to examine how much I had been using sex as a means to escape from feeling restless emotions. Sex had become not only an escape route but it had also become a way for me to control things. Control feeling like I was okay, control myself from feeling anger every time anger wanted to come up, control feeling like things weren’t out of control, control feeling comforted, loved, desired, seen, POWERFUL, protected. Sex provided all these things for me but it did so in a temporary and false way very similar to getting a temporary high. And the problem with escaping the shit we’re not willing to confront is you can check-out temporarily through your high of choice BUT that shit ain’t going anywhere until you face it. So in December I decided to do just that and I think I cried almost the entire month, and not to mention how badly I would crave it every time I was feeling discomfort. Still I didn’t realize that was only the beginning to the transformational journey I would embark upon come January. It’s cute to look back now and see how naive I was then. For all its purposes December would only be the preparation to what was to come the setting of the stage if you will.
After weeping it out and getting that behavior under control I leaned into what using sex was blocking. There was so much there and for those of you who have been following my journey on social media you know that the woman I was just 3 months ago is not the woman I am today. It’s beautiful to see how massive my expansion has been in such little time. It’s not that having sex was or is bad it’s just that it was blinding and a distraction. It’s funny too because as soon as I gave it up and right before every HUGE breakthrough in my spiritual ascension or in the healing of a deep wound, every time right before that a guy from my past would hit me up. I think my twin flame hit me up twice, a guy I had hooked up with in my effing twenties and who I have not spoken to or seen in like 10 years decided to hit me up then too telling me he’s single. I’ve now lost count of how many guys in the last few months have hit me up and thrown themselves at me. And, hey I get it, I’m allowing myself to be seen through social media so I’m fucking being seen I get that, but for me receiving this attention and to be unaffected by any of it is my own damn victory. I’ve been hiding my whole life and now that I’ve stepped into transformation I’m okay with being seen.
However, before I needed attention and sex to feel like I was desired and attractive so I needed men to affirm me that constantly to cover up and protect my wound but that’s all gone now. I don’t need that anymore because I’ve healed that wound and in place of that I was given a gem– I was given my self worth. I am so clear now about my worth and who I am as a powerful woman. I’m also clear about the role that one day a man will have in my life and the role sex will have too which is still a powerful and yummy thing, and I’ll tell you what holding off for it is putting so much more value and beauty on it that I can’t freaking wait until I find my king. Oh yea, that too because my worth is in place the men who I am willing to entertain have to be kings. I’ve met a few at coaching conferences so now I know they exist, ha ha. Hey when you’re constantly surrounded by men who act like children you can easily forget that what you are longing for and what you are calling in isn’t a mythical creature. The men I’ve met at these events are so freaking powerful and I love them deeply for doing the work most men fear doing on themselves I have thanked them for stepping into their power. What a sexy thing that is!
So here’s where I’m at with this journey. It has left me in an awkward place for two main reasons: 1) everyone around me is still having sex, and 2) it is extremely difficult to explain to people who are not on a spiritual path why I’m choosing not to have sex right now and even more so the importance of the energy we know as sex. Still I’m at a loss with words on how to even begin to explain this.
In a world where sex has become every freaking thing under the sun half of the time it feels like everyone is just explaining new terminology pertaining to sex (ha ha). Everything goes now! I haven’t been on apps for about a year now but not only do we have apps (which to me is still ridiculous to think about) but you can now find an app for anything of your liking. Skies the limit go balls to the wall. Now listen, I get it, we had spent hundreds of years under sexual suppression and oppression that once we broke down that wall it open things up to an empty canvas, and although there’s lots of beauty in that because it’s given a voice to different groups who had been persecuted for their sexual orientation I’m wondering if now we’re leaning too far in the opposite direction? Are some of our values taking a hit in the process? Have we let go of having any sort of standards? Are we really and truly finding satisfaction in the way we’re going about sex and relationships? Is it really filling your heart or is it just filling a hole?
Sure sex is now just one swipe away, one Uber ride over, and you can repeat that cycle as many times in one day as you wish, but most people I talk to about this are either frustrated or “over it.” I’m not really convinced this new way of going about things is working for anyone. Sure there are good moments in it and wonderful memories can be created, but I’m still seeing most people walking around feeling empty and unfulfilled. Seeking and seeking and not finding what they’re looking for. Why?
I think that like I was, people are just misusing sex to fill a need. Sex has become such a pass time that people are even having sex with people they don’t want to have sex with. A friend of mine mentioned he got turned off by this girl but then he still had sex with her (ha ha) it’s like the act is on autopilot and no one knows how to stop it. And both men and women are dealing with this evenly. Have we become so desensitized that we no longer know how to stop?
Possibly so let me make a suggestion that has worked for me and has worked for everyone who has given themselves over to this process. Everyone I know that is on a spiritual path has at some point in that journey need to confront their relationship with sex, everyone! And if you haven’t yet at some point you will. And I want to assure you this is a confrontation all of us must make not just those of us seeking spirituality. It is because sex is such a wonderful and powerful thing. It is here to teach us so much. It is a thing that we should go into with reverence and wonder. It is thing that can awaken us to our creativity and highest potential. It is a thing that shouldn’t be shamed, disregarded, or suppressed.
However, we do need to be careful with it because if holds the keys to so much of what we need to know about ourselves and our worth. When we’re going about throwing it around lightly we are only fooling ourselves. Think about how powerful sex is and the endless emotions if provokes in us: love, jealousy, lust, curiosity, shame, ecstasy, hatred, anger, it makes us feel desired, wanted, seen, powerful, sexy, sad, beautiful–you name the emotion and sex can probably make you feel it. Isn’t that amazing?!
I don’t have time to go into the energetic ties built through sex, but I will tell you though that some are more powerful than others depending on how much your souls are able to recognize each other before, during, or after the act. Maybe I’ll do a separate piece on energies and energetic ties if you guys want me to. But for this piece I leave you with this: never feel shame surrounding sex but if you do you can reach out to me; your sexuality can be liberated in a safe and healthy way if you’ve had it suppressed; if like I was you’re misusing sex to comfort a wound or to escape or control you don’t need to there’s a better way; if you’re going around just sexting on everyone because you don’t know how to stop feeling empty there’s a better way but it’s gonna require some work; if you’re afraid to have sex because you have some self-esteem issues you can find your worth but that’s also gonna require some work. People, everything requires work but if you’re seeking to be a healthy human being so that you can also attract partners that are healthy then you don’t have time to waste.
You are beautiful, your sex is beautiful! Take care of it, express it authentically, explore it deeply, love it profoundly. Go against the grain if it’s authentic to you, you don’t need to participate and fall slave to how things are being done. You get to choose.
Be well my friends.